Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
