Pants 0. Shit 1.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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