My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just found a bag of teeth...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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