And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
