I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
