I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she peed on how many people?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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