Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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