Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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