Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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