I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
