Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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