I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
