dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Randomize
