I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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