eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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