It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
