Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
