Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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