haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
