I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
