My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
