i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
how does that bad decision feel?
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