I just pynch a tree in the face
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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