Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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