I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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