I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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