god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
