I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
i out mim tonsoeep
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