Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
