Where did you get a picture of my penis
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
