Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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