he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
