You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
