just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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