But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
