he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
