I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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