I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
