I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
