Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
