Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
