puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
