I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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