Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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