He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
