I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
