i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
