plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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