I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
