every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
