That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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